Troubled

I don’t have every answer in life
But I’m trusting You one day at a time
Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive, forever
And this is where heaven and earth collide
I lift my hands, I give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive
Sanctus Real, “The Redeemer”

These lyrics speak of a lot of thing in a short space. Today, they’re uplifting for me.

This week has seen a number of things come across that make me weary. A friend in desperate need of help. Impending loneliness as my wife and son travel to our hometown. Students who see in me nothing more than someone who is “out to get them.” And on the other hand, students who share personal things that make me grieve for a generation of young people who are getting lost in the mire of life. Add on top of that a daily witness to hypocrisy and slander being done to the name in the of Jesus, about which I can do nothing.

It has become so tiresome, I almost didn’t get out of bed Friday. Then, I slept awfully last night. And right now, I feel the effects of something invading my body, rendering me tired and fairly worthless.

And yet, there is a light ahead. It’s not Spring Break, although I will definitely enjoy that.

I’ve been studying the Gospel of John for school, and quite separately, I’ve been studying Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet for work. I’ve noticed some things, which I hope to elaborate on throughout the coming weeks, that remind me of why I am here.

God has not only given me new life, but He’s shared His beating heart with me. No matter how the world around me may break, I have been shown that healing is out there. It’s the only real comfort sometimes. There is hurt and brokenness around me, and God is not ignoring it. This is, of course, how my weary heart stays alive, by staying connected to the beating heart of God. This may mean that I cry when my students tell me about emotional crises in their lives. This may mean that I feel helpless when friends are hurting. This may even mean that I feel heartbroken for people I’ve never met who are suffering halfway around the world. But these wounds…these rips in the fabric of life…they can be mended.

I John 3:16 whispers in my mind in times like these:

We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

As I lay awake at night, and hear these words, I thank God for a soft heart, and all the pains that come with it. It reminds me, again, that hope is never far off, not matter how troubled the world around me may seem.

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